Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.

-Mother Teresa

GOODWORKS BLOG

Just Keep Swimming

Today is a quarter-life crisis type of day. Deep breath.

So in order to ward off the negativity that comes from QLC (quarter-life crisis) days, I made a few lists:

First, things that contribute to my happiness in a dire way. (Besides the extremely obvious, God, friends and family.)

• A purpose
• Prayer
• A friendly note from a dear friend
• Open blue sky
• Wedding blogs (<- Check it out! A girl can dream right? Get off my back!)
• Exercise, preferably of the skiing nature right now.
• Dancing
• Music (Ray LaMonagne!)
• Sunshine (Vitamin D…mmmmm) I mean, walk on the side of the street with the most sunlight. In fact, walk backwards just so you can feel it touch your face.
• The ocean
• Cinnamon
• The perfect room temperature
• Magazines in tangible form. None of this tablet crap. Except the iPad does look preeeeeeeetty sweet.

Things I am unreservedly thankful for:

• My life in NYC, which I’ll admit, I strongly doubted would ever happen
• My apartment
• My career or the fact that I can say I even have the makings of one
• My mother and father
• My dear friends in California
• Free coffee
• Free anything
• Ess-A-Bagel (51^st and 3^rd)

Things I can’t stand:

• Losing one earring
• Losing one sock
• Losing stuff period
• When I stub my tiny, pinky toe and it feels like the bed post tore it clear off
• Lies/lying/liars
• The fact that I can’t, for the life of me, paint my nails without making them look like a 3 year old did it

Words To Live By

Words describe the past, actions shape the future.

-Alex Leipf

Do or do not. There is no try.

Be Glad of Life...

So many lives were lost in Haiti this week. I honestly can't even watch the news without crying. Life is a precious gift and it is heartbreaking when something this devastating happens to so many innocent people. My prayers and thoughts go out to all those impacted by the deadly quake. Please click the link and donate.

Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars; to be satisfied with your possessions; to despise nothing in the world except falsehood and meanness, and to fear nothing except cowardice; to be governed by your admirations rather than by your disgusts; to covet nothing that is your neighbor’s except his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners; to think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends…and to spend as much time as you can, with body and with spirit. These are the little guideposts on the footpath to peace.

(Henry Van Dyke)

Monday Monday....

Well now that I’ve consumed my weight in chocolate (see below), I’m back. It’s just been awhile since I’ve eaten chocolate and I had some this afternoon and it was like heaven in my mouth. I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t stop people. Hello, my name is Kate and I’m an addict.

Now I’m back and it’s Monday (I’m not sure what that has to do with anything but I’ve had four elevator conversations today about how it’s Monday) and I wanted to share the below picture.

I relate to this guy. Maybe not so much the dirty blonde, spiky hair look, or the glasses and frumpy shoes, but heck…haven’t we all been there? At the point where we can choose the option that’s immediately gratifying but has no chance of progression OR we can take the longer road and while we might struggle more, the reward will be much greater in the end? It’s tempting to toss in the towel and settle. Settling is much easier than wondering how you’re going to pay your rent. There are a million other things you could be doing, and doing well. Trust me, I know.

It’s all about hanging in there. Seeing the tough times through. While it’s easy to think about what you don’t have, it’s important to remember what you do have. Like if you’re that guy in the picture above, you’ve got a pretty sweet red shirt and not to mention the sun is shining. Which brings me to my next point, one that has gotten me through some pretty tough times….”Even the darkest hour only holds 60 minutes.” A high school teacher told me this and it stuck like glue. Thought I’d share.

Happy Monday.

Currently On a Chocolate Binge...

...please leave a message at the beep.

Sexy is...

Dear Men and Women,

Here’s what you need to know. I refuse to accept the idea that everyone will cheat on his or her significant other at one point or another. I refuse. And even further I refuse to tolerate it or allow it to become a commonplace thing in society. Adultery/infidelity is not a growing trend. It’s not the latest fad, it’s not sexy and it should not be waved aside in a “well everyone cheats these days” type of manner. I would really appreciate it if society would stop looking at cheating as a sexy fantasy that everyone indulges in.

I’ll tell you what’s sexy. Sexy is a lifetime of faithful marriage. Sexy is two people committing their lives to one another come hell or high water. Sexy is working like hell to keep the spark alive and not giving into temptation when things get tough. Sexy is a spouse who honors his/her vows for a lifetime. Sexy is a couple that dismisses society’s view on infidelity and instead remains passionately committed to each other. I simply refuse to accept or tolerate the idea that all men will eventually cheat on their wives or vise versa. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse. And also, money and powerful are not an excuse for being unfaithful. So take that Tiger.

There are real emotions at stake and what’s even more heartbreaking is that sometimes there are CHILDREN involved. A real man/woman is faithful to their spouse, to their children and to the vows that he/she made when they stood up before family, friends and whatever God they have, and proclaimed “Until death do us part.” No exceptions.

Treat other’s how you want to be treated. The golden rule still applies ladies and gentlemen. And with divorce rates higher than 50% among American marriages, it’s a good time to revert back to this lesson we all learned in preschool.

I do know that trust is the most important aspect to any relationship. It is the foundation. And I also know that we need to work harder than ever to keep the integrity of our relationships intact. It’s a simple case of treating others how we want to be treated.

The trigger for this topic was the Tiger Woods scandal combined with a few stories from people I have seen devastated by infidelity. I usually try to keep things light and controversy free but I felt compelled to vent. It’s like having five of your best friends and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s (Phish Food- what else?) So thanks for listening.

Deep Stuff....Long and Heavy With No Pictures! Aaaaahhhhhh!

There is an amazing song out by Phil Vassar called “She’s On Her Way.” [Warning: it’s country music. Which makes me smile from ear to ear, but for others—not so much.] It’s a beautiful song that gives advice to new fathers who are having little girls. But one line really stands out to me…

“Honor her mother, whatever you do because the worth of a man, she’ll take that from you.”

I really believe in this line. I believe that the importance of the connection between fathers and daughter is overlooked these days.

Many of you know that I strongly believe there is a growing problem with young women and self-esteem. These issues usually (but not always) fall into two categories according to my own opinion (My opinion is based off of tons of undergrad research—so it’s not exactly left field, but it is my own conclusion.)

1) Daddy issues

2) Body issues

Daddy Issues occur when a young girl lacks the a security and affection of a father (or father figure.) When she doesn’t feel loved or important to her father, she will seek that love from other males… older men, many men, many older men, men who also reflect a lack of love and low respect towards her. These are the types of girls who start dating young, who can’t go one week between boyfriends, who are consumed by what the boy thinks of them and who will inevitably sacrifice much of herself to fill a desperate void left by an absent father.

Daddy Issue girls tend to rush into relationships because they would rather be with Mr. Wrong than be alone. They settle, settle, settle, for anyone guy that will take them, in a desperate plea to feel loved. They also put up with more CRAP and abuse from men and tolerate the most disrespectful behavior because well, “Hey, even if he’s hurting me, at least he’s paying attention to me.” It’s a desperate plea to feel loved.

It is better to be alone than with someone who abuses you-emotionally, mentally or physically. In fact, I would even say it’s important to be alone at some point in your life so you learn who you are, what you want and where you are headed in life without the distraction of someone else. But a Daddy Issue girl will stay in a bad relationship because she doesn’t feel like she deserves better. But then again, why should she? No man, not even her father, has proven to her that she deserves better.

A father is the one man that is suppose to set the example for how men should treat her for the rest of her life. I wish more fathers knew that. I wish more women considered that before they choose to get married to unstable men. And I wish that young girls had the ability to feel good about themselves despite other unfortunate influences.

Body Issue girls tend to lack self-esteem because they don’t think they are pretty enough or thin enough. (Often eating disorders are a result of something deeper going on in a girl’s life.) They’re the one’s that spend the entire day trying to catch a glimpse of their stomach’s profile to see if it’s bigger (or smaller) than yesterday. They lift their shirts up and tilt their heads to the side while scrutinizing every angle of their stomachs. They live on soup, chicken broth, and a caloric intake big enough to sustain absolutely nothing. They weigh themselves multiple times a day. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what’s there, body dimorphic disorder sets in and they see distorted images of themselves. They go to bed before dinner so that they wont feel hungry. They avoid gatherings of friends centered around eating. They take laxatives regularly. The become defensive when you mess with their eating habits. They mentally start to believe that certain foods make them sick. They form an abnormal obsession with bowel movements because if it’s coming out of them it’s making them lighter, thinner, prettier. As uncontrollable as anorexia, bulimia and body dysmorphia are, mentally it’s much worse. The Body Issue girls have no peace with nutrition. They wake up thinking about their weight, they go to bed thinking about their weight. They hate feeling full and will often fake a stomachache so that others wont find it suspicious when they throw up. They are defensive because they like the results of feeling thin and they don’t want anyone messing with their routine. It’s a disease that makes those witnessing it feel defeated much of the time. (Some or many of these signs may exist. I’m not saying all of these, all the time.)

For young girls, feeling like your good enough is almost impossible in a world where they are bombarded by thousands of images a day that tell them they aren’t thin enough, firm enough, tall enough or that they have too much cellulite, or their skin is too pale… too this, too that. Enough already. Your daughters and your daughter’s daughters will most likely spend their entire lives feeling bad about themselves unless we start to teach them their own valuable worth. Enough is enough.

We need to teach young girls to love themselves first and only then with others follow suit. People, men in particular, will respect her if she respects herself first.

High self-esteem levels lower an adolescent girl’s chance of teen pregnancy, of unprotected casual sex, of drug use, of alcohol use, of cutting/harming themselves, of eating disorders, or domestic violence. Girls with high self-esteem levels get better grades in school, form healthier life habits, form healthier relationships with others and overall form a stronger life foundation that they can fall back on in rougher times. (This is where my college professor would ask for footnotes citing everything I just said. I know. But I paid my dues and I have the research sitting on my desk in a final senior thesis report. Just ask.)

Self-esteem can be a lifeline for girls when there is nothing else holding them back from a deadly decision.

Self-esteem allows a young girl to stand firmly on the foundation of her own existence. So rather than sway like a branch in the midst of an adolescent storm, she can stand strong, unwavering, while the world rocks around her. And take it from me, a young girl myself…(well a wannabe 16 year old anyways) there’s a lot, A LOT, of rocking in today’s world. Starting as young as age six. Yes, you heard that right. SIX. YEARS. OLD.

When a girl likes who she is, she’s less likely to let the environment around her shape who she becomes. Instead, she feels confident in herself, her appearance, her strengths and her own core values. She makes decisions based on what is right instead of what her peers are doing. No man looking for a female punching bag, no crash diet, no thought of suicide would ever stand a chance if every girl in America loved herself first.

Yes, there are obviously many factors that play into my above statements. I am well aware that sometimes it’s a mother’s love that is missing or a tumultuous, horrible influence. I understand that there are amazing fathers/mothers out there (mine included) that love and provide for their daughters and still there are outside influences that affect a girls self esteem level. I understand that this topic is a little heavy for my generally light-hearted blog and I apologize if it has upset any of you. This is a topic I feel strongly about and the more I interact with women my own age, the more I realize much of their self-esteem issues could have been avoided had they been addressed many years ago as young girls.

My recommendations for helping girls with self-esteem issues are:

1) Set the example. The way you allow others to treat you is how she will allow others to treat her when she gets older. Keep positive, healthy relationships around you and dispose of the ones that are toxic and she’ll do the same someday.

2) Reinforce the importance of being healthy, rather than thin.

3) When you look in the mirror speak kindly to yourself. I bet your daughter is watching. Remember that if you are constantly berating yourself, she’ll make it a habit as well.

4) Get your daughter involved in a sport. Any sport, or team or group. Because when a young woman learns to use her body as an instrument or tool used for something positive (scoring a goal, running fast, painting a picture, breaking a record…etc.) she will be less likely to harm it with drugs, alcohol, or unsafe sex. She’ll feel strong and confident and she’ll learn to eat right, exercise and to look at her body’s size in a positive light instead of the negative light from society. Example: the average girl looks at her thighs and think, “Oh-man, my thighs are so big they touch and I’m fat. I hate the way I look.” Athlete: “Oh, my thighs are built with muscle and if they were tiny I wouldn’t be able to run as fast or kick as hard. I’m happy that I have muscle and strength because my team depends on me to play hard.” (Ok this is a little cheesy but you get the point.)

5) Sports, groups, bands, teams…get your daughter involved in something that helps define who she is. If your daughter is part of something bigger than just herself she’ll use these outside positive influences to define her existence. “Hi, I’m Sally and I are on the girls soccer team.” This group association means that she’s part of something bigger. She means something to her teammates and her coaches and the fans that come to support her. That’s three more positive outside influence as opposed to a girl who just goes to school and comes home after. Adolescences are constantly trying to figure out who they are and where they belong in society. So if we involve them in something positive they’ll be less likely to cling to something negative (say…a gang or an abusive boyfriend) in an effort to define their own existence.

Again, I know there are many exceptions out there and I hope I haven’t offended anyone. Also, I understand that we still have even further to go with young men. But that’s an entire, way-too-long, post in itself and I could go on for days.

This is also not meant to take away from how far we’ve come in terms of self-esteem and body image. I feel like we’ve made much progress as a society in schools and in the media. But I think attention needs to be turned towards the household now.

So high-five to all the mothers and fathers who are working hard to establish well-rounded, self assured women. Keep it up. Set the bar high.

A Few Snapshots of the City

First Snow

View from my old apartment

Ohhh Hey!

Happy New Year. Oh and Feliz Navidad. I guess I’m a little behind. I have good feelings about 2010 and here’s why….I WON a game of Monopoly. True story. I really did. I never win board games. EVER. But I won. And it wasn’t even one of those, everyone quit because it was taking forever, types of games. I won the entire game. And then I picked #1 in the family Yankee Swap. So take that 2009. 2010 is going to kick your butt.

Life Update:

I’ve finally, finally, finally found a wonderful apartment in midtown Manhattan with three other girls who are pretty darn awesome. The apartment is incredible and I’m finally moved in thanks to the help of my strong father, youthful brother and tenacious mother. I even have curtains up. Go me.

Work is amazing. I’m finally feeling comfortable and I’m learning a lot about what the magazine world is REALLY like. I feel blessed everyday. Especially when the doorman opens the door to my building and I hop on the heated elevator. This part is my favorite because it beats the heck out of climbing 5 flights of stairs like at my previous apartment.

I walk to work now. It takes about 15 minutes. No, I don’t do it in heels. Who do you think I am? Yes, it takes an hour to thaw out once I arrive. I like the walk for three reasons. I get some exercise in and see the sun. I save $90 a month on subway passes. And I pass three Starbucks—not that an intern like me has money for $4 lattes, but a girl can dream. Siiiigh.

Happy 2010 to you guys, my faithful readers. Hugs and kisses all around, unless you have the Flu or Mono…then just high fives all around.