Sha-va-sa-whaaa?

Let's talk about yoga for a hot second. Or hot yoga for a cold second? Regardless...I've been taking some classes here and there, both hot and regular, and I have to admit that I love it, or more, I love the way I feel after. But during? Let's just say that if the yoga instructor sits on me one more time, I'm not getting back up. Who knew that a bunch of downward facing dogs and other poses I can't pronounce could leave me sore for a week. A WEEK! I'm pretty sure I found muscles in places that I didn't know existed.

Photo credit: Chris Cordasco

And am I the only one who can't keep the breathing rhythm? Is it truly necessary to inhale and exhale so damn quickly? What about when my stomach is rearranged under my pelvis in one of those godawful pretzel positions and I can't really expand my lungs? What then? And in this position, am I really suppose to be all zen and relaxed or is that just code for, "Don't pass out?" Which is, if we're being honest, more often than not, close to happening.

You know what my favorite pose is? Shavasna. For many reasons, but mainly because I can pronounce it and also because it involves taking a nap...er...I mean, laying completely still in a flat, normal position. I have friends that can practically dislodge their rib cages and somehow twist in a way that leaves me wondering where their bodies actually begin and end. Suddenly legs are coming out of arm sockets and arms are coming out of ears — it's all pretty intense. I, on the other hand, revert back to child's pose nine times out of ten, which is supposedly the easiest, but I'd rather be considered a light-weight than stuck in pretzel formation because what's her name with the jingling ankle bracelets and tribal tattoos sat on me again. No thanks instructor (if that's even your real name), I'm all set.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm due for a nap...I mean...a shavasana.