“Do You Ever Get Claustrophobic Way Up There?"...And Other Dating Woes....

Story time.

Once upon a time (i.e. this morning) a girl named Kate (that’s me) skipped merrily out of her apartment and down into the subway, fresh-faced and ready to take on whatever the universe threw her way. As she transferred trains with her head phones in and Florence and the Machine's “Dog Days Are Over” synchronizing the pace of her steps (the dooooog days are ovvvaaah...step.step.step. The dooog days aaaaare doneeee....step.step...you get it.) She noticed a tall, come to find out 6’7, handsome man with stubble so perfect it made her knees weak.
The two future soul mates (okay—slight exaggeration) stepped onto the train at the same time. Mr. Perfect Stubble, being the giant that he was, sort of pushed peppy Kate as she tried to find a comfortable place to stand in the packed subway car. Kate naturally didn’t mind because hey—look at that stubble! He quickly apologized and Kate quickly shut off Florence and those God forsaken Dog Days and replied with a brisk, “No worries.” Smooth Kate. Real smooth. (Are you guys taking notes yet?)

Kate stood there as too much time passed and the chance of striking up a free-flowing conversation faded into the noise of the morning commute. Suddenly she realized that indeed, this was the best she was going to look all day. So with her freshly applied makeup and somewhat well styled locks, she raced against the humidity that was rapidly entering her hair follicles. She looked up at Mr. Perfect Stubble Giant man and said... “Do you ever get claustrophobic way up there?” Yes folks....WRITE.THAT.DOWN. That was my opening line. I wanted to melt into a puddle and slip down into the subway tracks in that very moment. Until of course, Mr. Stubble replied with a warm and friendly, “Sometimes—but you know, it’s worth it when a little old lady needs help getting things down at the store.” MELT.MY.HEART. Great stubble and a good-deed-doer?! Pinch me, I’m dreaming.

And so, one obnoxiously flirtatious subway ride later Kate found herself smiling and saying “This is me” as she motioned towards the approaching platform. There was a pause as the train came to a screeching halt, which is always a demonstration in good balance, and suddenly Kate was carried away in the shuffle of a.m. commuters who could care less about her overly flirtatious morning love affair. He said, “Wait!” Just as the subway doors were closing and Kate spun around only to be pummeled by exiting passengers (graceful, I know.) It was too late. Those powerful, shiny silver doors closed and off he went into the drizzly Manhattan morning.

No, no number exchange, and maybe through some twisted Manhattan fate they’ll meet again but until then, Kate walked away with something more. Confidence. Every challenge during the day would seem less scary then striking up a conversation with the Perfect Stubble Giant Man and she was encouraged to know that maybe there were still some great fish left in the sea. In the meantime, if you see a 6’7 man with perfect stubble who wears a suit and works in real estate…dibs.

Have a great weekend y’all.

Fertilizer For Your Grass...

I once read that the grass really is in fact, greener on the other side. Scientifically speaking, (because I got a A- in 6th grade science) it’s due to the angle that you are viewing the blades from. While standing on your own side of the fence, you’re looking straight down, and thus you see less of the green blade and more of the space (read: dirt) between each blade. But when looking over at your neighbor’s luscious greens, you see each blade from a side angle and very little of the space between. So alas, I think if you adjust your stance and perspective, you’d see that things are not necessarily better on the other side, and much like life itself, a little adjustment can put everything into a greater perspective.

Here’s to adjusting your view and fresh mowed lawns in the sweet summertime.

Happy Friday.

Imaginations — This One's For You...

"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."
-Toni Morrison

To all the creative writers I've ever known, and all those I wish I had the pleasure of knowing...CLICK the image above. Then go HERE. Submit. Rejoice.
I and a glorious panel of talented judges will be reading each and every submission. Good luck!

“I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

This makes me laugh. Happy Hump Day.

Issues...

Just wondering if anyone else has these issues:

You go to remove a napkin from the death trap that is the silver dispenser and instead of a single napkin you end up withdrawing approximately 72 by accident? Does anyone else ever end up with a hand full of unnecessary napkins? Sure, it's fine if you're sitting with a group of people. Someone is bound to ask if they can have one, but if you're sitting alone you just look like a glutenous napkin hog. It doesn't matter if you drive a Prius, or recycle all the plastic in the world, you are still considered by those watching to be a selfish nature hater. A waster. In their eyes you're as heartless as the people taking down the trees in Avatar. And all because of that stupid dispenser.

Second issue:

The other day I'm going up the escalator at work and I see a man down below waving up at me. Or what appeared to be me. For the life of me I had no idea who this guy was. Cue dilemma: Do I risk waving back enthusiastically just to realize he's actually waving to someone directly behind me? That's embarrassing. Or do I just continue to stand there looking at him, praying to God that I'm not coming off as a stuck-up snob for ignoring a genuinely friendly person? And you definitely don't want to look behind you first, that directly says you don't remember the person waving at you. You definitely don't want to add insult to injury by doing that. To wave back or not to wave back? Which is more embarrassing? Out of the corner of my eye I could see some sharp movements behind me, so I refrained from waving awkwardly at a stranger that time. But man-oh-man, I've had other times where I haven't been so lucky.